You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize