he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
