i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
