If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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