in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
