i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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