idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
