I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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