Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize