marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
