I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
