I looked at my own cervix.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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