Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize