i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
