In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
