The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
