alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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