Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
