if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
