His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
