Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We got so high we made milksteak
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
