So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
