After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
