My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
