I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
