How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
