i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
