hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
