How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
