Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
