honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize