so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
