What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think a kid would responsible me up
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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