sorry about calling you the devil all night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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