yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
