just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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