She announced her abortion via fbk
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
