He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
