I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize