my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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