I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize