I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
