We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
