im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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