nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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