Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
