when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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