Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
