do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
