i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
