It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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