I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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