She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
