hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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