"it" just moved
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
