The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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