My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
