You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
