I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
