meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
