census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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