it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
