Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Of course I have a pirate flag
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
