Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize