My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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