Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
