im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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