woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
